Origin

Origin—

• A six letter word referring to where “it” began •

I revisit this special origin in my life as my fingers flow freely onto the keyboard. This was more than just a form of expression or a documentation of times. Here the self-discovery journey began– my self-discovery takeoff. This domain gave me comfort and confidence. Most of all it reminded me of the voice I had been so afraid of vocalizing for a lifetime. It was here that I wrote about life— from my biggest fears and deepest desires. To my hardest heartbreaks and most relieving realizations. Emotions overflowed from my heart like a volcano, submerging the WordPress community in puddles of my inner thoughts. I’ve come a long way from this origin of expression. 

In a couple of months I’ll begin my last semester of this “college thing.” Though a piece of paper cannot determine the rest of my life, it shows I was able to make it through the sweat, blood and (lots of) tears. And for that I am proud. 

I’m doing just fine waking up every morning without the guy(s) I thought I couldn’t live without. It’s funny how your “world” at the time so quickly turns into a chapter of your book you choose not to reread (ever again). Yeah, some days get lonely, but I rather wait than settle. 

My grandpa died 6 months ago. I held his hand as he took his last breath, and his soul departed higher than I could hang onto. Though he lost his battle, he’ll remain the strongest soldier a war has ever seen. 

I still suffer from the adversities of depression, now mixed in with a whole lot of anxiety. Some days are okay, others I cry until my eyes run dry and even Grandpa can hear my screams to Heaven’s gates. God, I miss him so much. 

Lastly, I declared a minor in creative writing, because I realized it’s finally time to do something that makes ME happy. 

I thank this origin for opening me up like a collection of poetry dying to be analyzed. I thank this origin for being the first place I EVER dared to talk about my mental illness. This led to further revelations to my family, friends, doctors, and everyone else I wouldn’t possibly still be here with without today. Struggles are nothing to be ashamed of, and I thank this community of strangers for not only reading what I had to say, but also believing in it. Your kind responses and outpouring of support meant more than you’ll ever know. I’ll forever remember this origin for the strive it gave me and the brave person it made me… and after an almost 12 month retirement, I’m returning to writing where “it” all began. 

“Never forget your past, it’s the foundation that built your existence and the secret to your future.” 

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